"I Miss My Kid!"

One day, rather suddenly, your child is likely between 10 and 12 years old (she may have started physically developing, or she may still have the body of a child), you call her name, she slowly turns to you, and with a startle you realize something is… just different.

At first, you’ll say she’s grumpy because she’s hungry. Another day, you’ll tell yourself she is stressed because of a math test. You’ll ask things like, “You okay?” Or, “Is something wrong?” or “Bad day at school?” And you will not get the response you used to in the past. You will not get a reassuring answer or even much information.

Soon, you’ll find you are pursuing her when in the past she pursued you.  She seems irritated with you much of the time. During most conversations, if you can even call these mumbling lopsided exchanges conversations at all, you feel a distance that wasn’t there before. She seems preoccupied and often says things that hurt or push you away. After several weeks of making excuses for her, you realize with dismay, this new way of relating to one another is here to stay. You don’t know what is going on, but you don’t like it. You miss your kid and the way things used to be.

This is adolescence. And it is proceeding exactly as it should.